I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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