It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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