Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
