apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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