dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
