if i can run in heels then i can drive
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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