WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
