So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize