At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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