..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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