apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
