i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
