she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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