I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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