Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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