he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
