New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
