Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
