What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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