YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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