You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
