like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
