So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
