Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have aggressive nipples.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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