did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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