FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
