Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
