had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
