You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
