I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just tell him i said nine months
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
