So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
