You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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