just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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