I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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