i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
