matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
