i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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