**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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