So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
