Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
