my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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