and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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