Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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