i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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