Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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