Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
