how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
