somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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