You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
