Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The power of my boobs compel you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
