i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
