Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
