Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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