some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
