I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
