your room smells of hookers.
And success
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's always time for handjobs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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