I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
