You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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