It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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