you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
