he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
