My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
