so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
