Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
