Umm I'm too high to move.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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