Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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