Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
