Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
