the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There r osticjed everywhere
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
