I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
