i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
